🔗 Share this article

The listings for the prestigious venue in Washington shows a fun dual-language performance and an improvised theatrical company. Curiously absent from the public events is this week's Geopolitics World Cup draw, presumably because it is a strictly closed-door gathering. Organizers seem intent on keep out any uninvited attendees from gaining entry at what promises to be an excessively long, self-congratulatory spectacle where highly compensated luminaries will doubtlessly parrot the old cliche that "football unites the world."

An A-List Hosting Team

A glamorous ceremony is set to be hosted by German model-turned-TV presenter Heidi Klum alongside diminutive US comedian and actor Kevin Hart. Adding to the star power will be American football legend Eli Manning on welcoming details and actor Danny Ramirez as a roving correspondent. Collectively, they will preside over a production that will undoubtedly have British football fans who remember missing the simpler, pomp-free days of Graham Taylor, Sir Bert Millichip, the FA tombola and a trusty fabric pouch of simple, numbered balls.

Scheduled to last nearly three long hours, the event will include a lengthy playlist of speechifying, overly sentimental video montages, pre-vetted jokes, famous faces, musical turns from artists with perhaps no embarrassment or financial motivations, and then... at last, the actual World Cup draw.

Icons of Sport on Draw Detail

Among those tasked with conducting the draw? NBA giant Shaquille O'Neal, hockey great Wayne Gretzky, NFL star Tom Brady and baseball star Aaron Judge, all selecting numbered spheres under the supervision of ex-footballer Rio Ferdinand. Considering the vast, deep well of charisma possessed by these veteran sporting legends, barring an armed snatch-squad storming the ceremony, it's difficult to imagine what could possibly go wrong.

In reality, very little, if the insensitive defence of FIFA's well-documented World Cup exorbitant ticket pricing mounted by an obsequious spokesperson is any kind of indicator. Upon being questioned if tickets should be more affordable for average fans, the response was vague. "I think we have to be aware of that and I think FIFA are certainly an organization that are aware of that," was the comment. "But listen, I think we can look at every industry, every sector, we could have that discussion about things," he added. The implication appeared that premium costs are justified when compared with other luxury items.

The Actual Draw

With 42 nations already qualified for next summer's tournament and another six due to join, there will be a real feeling of excitement once the opening acts conclude and the main draw gets under way. But as fans worldwide wait with bated breath to see which three teams their particular country will play in the group stages, the suspense will be nothing compared to that which precedes the reveal of the winner of FIFA's first-ever award for peace for "individuals who help unite people in peace through unwavering commitment and special actions." Considering the draw is in Washington and the World Cup is mostly in the United States, speculation about the winner are widespread, even if the clues are apparent.

"I have no worries at the moment. I was speaking to the owner today. My connection with him is rock solid really. I have a truly transparent and frank relationship. So regarding my position in that sense I have absolutely no concerns whatsoever" – comments from a manager with a team in the midst of a five-match winless run, providing a textbook remark likely to be revisited should a dismissal occur down the line.

Audience Feedback

• "Further to the mention of a possible club named Kevin... there is an talented Brazilian winger named Kevin at Fulham who cost north of £30m. Perhaps Kevin could be asked to purchase a lower league club and rename it after himself."
• "Going to local games in the past, when the opponent was 'Keith', a common jest was: 'What, on his own?'"
• "I stopped reading after nine words. 'Comprised of'! What was the thought process? To comprise means to consist of. So to comprise of means to consist of of. The extra 'of' is as unnecessary as an extra official."
• "There is apprehension ahead of FIFA's World Cup draw: just what catchy ditty will a famous group come up with if a political figure refuses to leave the stage, requiring an additional song?"