Those Phrases from My Father That Rescued Me when I became a New Dad

"I think I was simply just surviving for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the challenges of fatherhood.

However the reality soon became "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver while also looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, each diaper… each outing. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You're not in a good spot. You need some help. How can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and find a way back.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While the public is now better used to talking about the pressure on moms and about PND, less is said about the difficulties dads encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a wider failure to open up among men, who still hold onto negative ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a sign of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to accept they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not justified to be seeking help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the chance to ask for a pause - spending a short trip overseas, away from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotional states alongside the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That insight has transformed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the expression of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without reliable male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences caused his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "bad decisions" when in his youth to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as escapism from the pain.

"You turn to things that are harmful," he explains. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Strategies for Coping as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a family member, your partner or a therapist how you're feeling. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the activities that made you feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be playing sport, socialising or gaming.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, physical activity and when you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - sharing their stories, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help does not mean you've failed - looking after you is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead give the stability and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - managing the emotions safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, at times I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you how to behave, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding as much as you are through this experience."